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What Do You Need?

On September 4th I will celebrate 60 wonderful years of living. My goal in life is to die young at a very, incredibly old age (smile). Part of living is knowing and growing. In my life’s journey, I am discovering more and more things about myself. I discovered I like good wines and traveling, I discovered I need more “me” time, I discovered I need to learn how to work smarter not harder, I discovered I want to do new things (so I am learning to golf, bowl, and play pickleball), but my most revealing revelation was, I discovered I am not very good at recognizing, owning, and sharing my needs with others.

A need is something that is necessary in order to survive. We all need food, air, sleep, and water to live, but what is it that we need to live a happy life? I believe regardless of who we are or what our station in life is we all need to feel important, respected, appreciated, connected to something, feel safe, and have someone we can trust and believe in. I know for me faith, family, friends, love, and work are things that I cannot live without. They are the oxygen for my soul.

Many people go through life never knowing their purpose and because of that, they do not know how to express what they need. My husband will genuinely ask me if there is anything that I need, and I instinctively answer, “no I am good”. But the truth is, there are things I need, and what I discovered is, my needs are linked to my feelings. When I feel I want to be more connected to my husband, I need his acceptance, affection, closeness, and a sense of belonging. When I feel like a wandering generality I need security, stability, and safety. I have discovered the best way for me to figure out what I need is to identify where I am in the moment. Once I came to this realization I noticed that I am getting more of my needs met, my personal and professional relationships are better and I have an even greater appreciation for the celebration of life.

The more we know, learn and discover about ourselves and what is essential to us, the more likely we will choose constructive ways to know what our needs are. Being mindful of our needs is the first step toward getting them met. This may sound strange but what I have been intentionally doing, is figuring out what I both want and need and learning to ask for it. Do not be afraid or too prideful to ask for help or support you need. When needs are not being met failure, disappointment and disaster are not far behind. The bible says we have not because we ask not.

Sometimes it is hard to figure out what we need. Here are five questions you can ask yourself to help you identify things you may need: First, what do you need to bring more joy into your life? Second, what do you need to become the person you want to be? Third, what are you good at, and what do you need to become better at doing it? Fourth, who have you not forgiven in your life, or who do you need forgiveness from that may be blocking your blessings? Finally, what habits do you need to stop and what other ones do you need to start? Sometimes the chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. It is up to each of us to figure out what we need in life. Start identifying yours today to build a better tomorrow.

Healing Without Hate: It's a choice. It's a lifestyle. Pass it on!

Visit and to learn more. Wendy is a life strategist, coach, consultant, author, and speaker. You can hear her every Wednesday on Instagram Live at 12 noon PST.

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